Are you tired of managing conflicts at your workplace? Do you want to know how can you handle it differently?
Conflicts are the everyday task of a manager? Isn’t
Though they are good to explore possibilities at times, however having conflicts at multiple times become stressful for any human to manage self and have a great performance at work.
How does conflict start?
- One person, X has a different perception of a situation vis-à-vis another person Y.
- Person X has certain experiences in his life/childhood/heard some stories/experience self or seen others experiencing and based on the same, there is an unconscious response which gets triggered.
- The response/behaviour/action is the outcome which goes in a natural language – verbally and non-verbally to Y
- Wherein Y did not have any such kind of experience what X has had. For Y, whatever X is stating/saying verbally or non-verbally doesn’t exist till he experience.
And hence X and Y have different maps of the world.
This leads to differences in opinions and
- If in case Y had any negative experience with X before or Y had a negative experience in his childhood/years of life before, about this situation, it becomes difficult for Y to accept.
And hence the differences start rising more.
What happens when this difference start rising?
The rise of this creates more stress/unhealthy negative thoughts inside the brain of Y which X do not know.
If not been dealt at the first instance and left there itself, the experience in the memory is left where you leave, in this case at the negative thought.
Y will start having more negative thoughts inside and if approached in the next situation by X, his memory already is at the negative. And his response would multiply with X more negatively.
What are the basic solutions to be understood?
- Accept that each person comes from different diverse experiences in the head. And they see it/hear it and feel it differently.
- Discuss with a mentor how to handle it easily
- Do not leave any conflict unattended to pass on the work. In pressure times, take that extra 5 mins out to explain your perception.
- Use phrases like – My intention to say is…. Or Can I make a suggestion, or Can I share my experience, or Can we also look differently like…
- Use phrases like I am glad that you could understand what I am saying, or I am glad you could hear what I say, or I wonder how we both differently also can understand each other…
- Take a pause and use PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS–
- The perceptual position is a concept in NLP in which we literally become the second person (with the physiology and tonality), see/hear/feel the way other people do, here all senses matter a lot. Experiencing fully. Please avoid reading this as understanding others. I am saying of experiencing it.
- After you become the second person, become a third person – Coach – and now experience see/hear/feel the whole situation.
- And now ask as a Coach to self (first person) – What is that which self can change to make it an easier conversation for the second person.
Handle your conflicts at the right time and do not wait for the volcano to erupt.
Facing it is difficult but the right thing to do.