Do you feel that you are unable to handle your emotions most of the times?
Do you feel some unwanted behaviors reflecting in your work style?
Do you feel you are not liked by someone or anyone most of the times?
Is your self-worth a question to you?
In the recent workshops when someone asked me how can I build myself emotionally stronger, Emotional Resilience came to my mind and the discussion revolved around the real-time experience.
I also realized during the discussion that the awareness to handle emotions and how to become emotionally resilient needs more education in our society. And hence writing this quick piece and sharing my real-life experience.
What is Emotional Resilience?
The meaning of resilient as per the Cambridge dictionary:
“The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity”
the ability of a substance to return to its usual shape after being bent,
stretched, or pressed.
Emotion: instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.
Being Emotionally Resilient: Handling circumstances with the ability to adapt to tough situations and come back with the punch (punch is used here to roll back and give a punch to the negative situation, stand tall and handle it fast).
There are many examples of people who have been emotionally resilient in our society from Mahatma Gandhi to Mother Teresa. From your parents to your colleagues, from your friends to your leaders around, you would have seen many people who come out of the tough situation and stand strong. We also see some people who break, who go into different emotions like depression, anxiety and also have seen them coming back strongly.
Emotional Resilient is related to our mental health and well-being. People who are emotionally resilient deals betters with situations, are at ease in stressful situations, are more focused on solutions rather than problems, face the storm and look around the resources and opportunities. I relate emotional resilience to the quality of eagle who faces the storm and goes above it.
I have seen emotional resilience very closely in my life from my mom being in cancer to many students, housewives, IT professionals and top leaders (entrepreneurs, CEO’s etc.)
I like to share real stories which can help many unknown to become stronger. I have a real story from Pune. (For a confidential purpose, coachee name is not revealed).
A participant of mine was constantly in depression, felt like a loser, was surrounded by fear, anger, frustration, and life was full with problematic relationships. We worked with this person on her emotional breakthroughs for about a year. Today she is a completely new personality. She has transformed herself and has shown her resilient. She now needs no medicines and writes inspirational thoughts, doing business and has a happy family. The best part was she kept working towards it until she got it right.
How did she build resilient?
- Her determination towards accepting the situation the way it is
- Sit with discomfort and feeling
- Accept and handle the feeling
- Knowing the positive intention behind each feeling
- Changing pictures, sound, and feeling in the head
- Practicing meditation, yoga and NLP techniques (specific patterning)
- Facing her fears and coming over it
- Expanding maps and changing perspective
- Practicing Gratitude on each situation
- Practicing forgiveness to people before sleeping
- Making a journal of gratitude and forgiveness
- Knowing the timeline and remaining in the present moment
- Shifting physiology and shifting focus
- Becoming aware of triggers and re-setting the triggers
- Creating new pictures, sounds and feeling repeatedly in mind
- Letting go easily – people and situations
- Engaging in self-love and self-appreciation
- Making herself remind that I am soon coming out of it
- Using laughter as a therapy in each situation
- Questioning own beliefs, disengaging with restricting beliefs and creating new empowering beliefs.
- Using self-coaching as a tool in life
- Finding the real-purpose and working towards it
- Enjoying and embracing change
- Practice, practice, and practice
I am blessed that I learn this more and more to apply it each moment in my life. There is nothing which can allow you to crash until you allow it to yourself.
Don’t let anyone, not even your spirit to break you. And even if you feel like that you have broken, allow that feeling to settle and tell yourself, “I am coming back, sweetheart”. I recommend people to read about Yoga, our Vedas, Bhagwad Gita, NLP techniques, EI, Self-Coaching tools and books to help them to become master of their own life and handle emotional resilience